let's do something about it

this is so not going to be a sad, melancholic entry anymore. i am NOT going to feel blue and i'm sure my dear readers don't want me to be. don't u ppl?? anyway....

let's see... what can i talk about which is not saddening? not spm, no, definately not that...

ok, music then. so today, we watched the concert video of united live (the latest) and man! they really show the world what music really is. no, wait, that's not right... i'm sure there're other musicians in this wide, wide world who can produce better music but well, when it comes down to raw, hot, all-consuming passion for worship, u've got to hand it to these ppl. a no holds barred praise to God. you know, it's like this AWESOME thing that u really wished that u could be there in their midst doing something, but u can't. and it's really frustrating for me. cos i'm a doer... i like to be doing things and taking charge and i'm just itching to immerse myself in all this.

and that's why IGNITE and CHEQ UP (in Dec- pls ask me for more details if interested) is so important to me, to all of us... man, we have to get our act right! with God, with ourselves, with our talents, with our instruments/tools/whatever else that we use to acheive this... hillsongs standard. which is possible i know. to quote steph, there are only 2 rules for the United live worship team, be GOOD and CRAZY. yeah! if they can do it y not us?

i don't know how many people harbour this dream... of someday playing/singing on stage just like them and it just feels so fulfilling, so right to just lay bare our passion and pent-up energy and just.... worship. i know i do... i do,i so do. and i for one am going to acheive that. it's been my dream for too long now. so, people who share this dream... together we can aight?

Lord, send revival start with us...

left behind. as always.

my life is like a thread. or many threads in fact. and somewhere along the way, my life has been interwoven with the threads of many others. together, we have created a cloth of many patterns and colours.... some threads remain firmly in this cloth called life and some, gradually faded away in time. when i look at this unfinished cloth, i just want to hold on to the old threads and weave the same patterns as like before. but threads snap and needles prick, and all i can do is weave more of my thread into it and leave it to my Maker.

man, what am i talking about? absolute nonsense.

why is everybody leaving? somehow, people in my life always seem to be leaving me. while they move on to uncharted, new, fresh, exciting territory, i'll still be stuck here. left behind. all the time, i wish it was me who was leaving, not being left. they say absence makes the heart grow fonder... well maybe, but it definately doesn't make u grow any closer. in fact, it draws you apart, gradually of course. but maybe because i was never one to keep contact. oh well. they also say that when a door closes, a new one opens. that's bulls***. i used to have a really, really extremely good friend, the best even... yeah, well, she moved away. i was stuck here and until now, haven't found anyone to replace her. ever.

so you see..."they" whoever they are, shouldn't be writing up sayings and stupid proverbs cos, they know NUTS about it.

don't

don't judge me

you don't know me

don't gossip about me

just because i'm different

don't look down at me

i'm bigger than you think

don't put me on a pedestal

i'm not that worthy

don't stab me in the back

i'm wounded enough already

don't put words in my mouth

i haven't spoken them yet

don't play with my feelings

i love deep and hard

don't advise me on something i can't solve

i can't do it, i'm not that strong

don't label me

i wasn't meant for tags

just don't.

cute arse!

my wonderful practical skills.

i came across my sis's kh project just recently. her 'baju'.

which kinda brings me back to the [torturing] days when i still had to take KH. from what i still can rmb, i hated it. i couldn't saw (straight) or hammer or carve to save my life. OR sew. omygosh! that was the absolute worst. but i still say i can sew better than i can do woodwork. well, my mum says i hav limited (read: close to none) motor skills so... i guess that's that.

but somehow, i still managed to pass up a passable piece of work every end of the year. miracle! maybe not.

F1

sewing- embroidery. got my wonderful mum to do it for me. *grin*

woodwork- after forgetting to bring my wood for class practically for half a year, i managed to nail, hammer, saw and sandpaper my way into a thing. something. passable la. not michaelangelo, but it didn't make my teacher faint. so, i take it that it wasn't so bad afterall.

F2

sewing- a shirt using fabric u might usually see as curtains in a really tasteless person's house. after lotsa nagging from my mum (yet again) to finish it, we sent it to my aunt (who conveniently, was a tailor) haha! to finish it for me.

woodwork- oh man! this was the best year ever! in terms of KH i mean. my dad's friend is a carpenter. so... guess who my woodwork project went to? and my project came back, polished, finished and looking as good as bought. altho, i did kind of spoil it in the beginning by cutting a door or so in the wrong size. couldn't close properly after that. it just ain't my cup of tea.

F3

unfortunately, that year being THE pmr year.... i couldn't bring any of my work home. so, what to do....? it's either DO or DIE. so, obviously... i don't die that easily, had to do it. sewing wasn't all that bad (ok, it was darn frustrating when the sewing machines broke down, which was often. man, and this is a girls' school) but woodwork.... yuck! hate it. did it, re-did it, stayed back after school to syelek, got scolded by the teacher (i have bad handiwork).... yeah, it's all coming back to me now.

but of course... that was all yesteryears business. good riddance too. am now enjoying a KH-free life filled with cramming for SPM. *sigh* it's the time of year again.

so blue

life's not that great nowadays

basically, i'm just studying and panicking,

studying and panicking

and haha, not going to school

i just dunno what to do now

you can't believe how sick i am of this endless studying

i've got so much to do, but so little time

so sickening

dad's got a new clock for the study

it's kinda chinapek-ish, but well... bought from china wut

man, is this clock noisy

chiming and saying something in chinese (which no one understands) every hour.

*sigh* every hour.

i'm feelin so restless.

i really dunno what to do.

i realise that it's the 2nd time i'm saying that

but i really dunno what to do.

what to do?

i feel so pessimistic, demoralised, tired and my head is all just jumbled up

what i want, i can't get

it's frustrating, it's hard and it's tough but i must!

i must give it up, i must forget it and move on.

reach out for better dreams.

better things ahead for me.