dear friends,

i should do this before i lose my nerve. *ahem* ok. here it goes.


to start with, i have this really bad habit/trait/characteristic/whateveryoucallit that whenever i don't like a person, or don't like a situation, just don't "feel like it", people will somehow know. how? well i just put on my moody long papaya face and isolate myself. and... i realised that well, it's bad and i might've hurt people doing it, and that probably explains why i have lesser and lesser friends (other than those who're outstation or overseas). nobody likes to be with someone who looks like a thundercloud and i really don't want people to be constantly asking jootatt what happened to me or what he did to me. i'm not saying this out of self pity or because i want sympathy. also not because i want to justify my behaviour... this is not a "my attitude is like that, so you've gotta accept me for who i am" moment.

i guess, what i'm trying to say is i can and i Will change. it's come to a point where i can't even stand myself doing it. yet, it's become like a habit. i used to think that when people called me proud or arrogant, it was because they didn't really get to know me... but now i'm actually snubbing my friends. people who know me. so there's something terribly wrong with that.
and the other thing is, i want to apologise to those whom have tried to be good to me but have been given the silent treatment/ snubbed/ answered rudely by me. believe me, i am sorry for that. i can't say that i'll change overnight and become miss sociable tomorrow. but i will try not to let my personal feelings affect how i treat other people. i try la.

oh gosh... so public. but i felt like i really needed to do this. but hopefully this'll be the last time i feel compelled to write something so personal here.