i don't like saying goodbye

never say goodbye because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting

-J.M. Barrie

when it comes to saying goodbye, it's almost always sad.

:(

like dad?

so i've heard people saying that girls tend to look for guys who resemble their fathers and vice versa (guys looking for girls who are like their moms). well, based on my experiences when it comes to guys, i find that to become more and more true. of course, this will vary according to each person's individual relationship with their parent, am i not right? but in my case, i feel that i naturally tend to gravitate towards guys who are patient, and goofy and chill, like my dad.

my dad has always been the only male in the family, even the dog is female! wonder how he feels about that haha.. so he's always had to be the strength in this family. but what i admire most, is the way he cares for us. dad is the one who goes out to buy food for us when we decide to eat in, carry bags and shopping stuff for us, make sure we don't get wet when it rains, and when mum was still working full time, he even went marketing for her.

of course, like any human he's not perfect.

but yeah, living with him has made me more aware of some of the qualities i want in a guy. and i guess, it's not too much to ask for is it? i don't care for someone who lavishes me with gifts but leaves me crying at night... just someone who is able to provide and who loves and cares for me :)

i think all the valentine's day hype is starting to have an effect on me. what is with this post? lol i have no idea, and no i'm not bitter about spending this 14th single. in fact, it's quite enjoy seeing what outrageous lengths some guys go to to make their gfs/wives happy. and listen to other people's love stories. so sweet. so yeah, i think this is going to be a good valentine's day for me compared to last year's. i'm surrounded by people i love who love me back, and the greatest love i will ever have. i think that's good enough for me :)

that time again

beautiful christchurch, beautiful penang

i'll be leaving penang in... give and take... about 2 weeks time.

while the feeling of doing nothing, sleeping in til noon, and having mum take care of basically everything, is soooooo luxurious and comfortable... i have to say, the busy bee side of me (wait..?! i have a busy bee side?) is raring to get out of this idleness and start doing something! and obviously, once i go back to christchurch, it's no holds barred back to work again. and having to take care of myself again :/

even so, it's not all work and no fun going back. for the moment at least (until i finally settle down somewhere), penang is my holiday place, my respite, my tropical paradise if you will. chch is where work happens, where my life is at the moment, where i feel most alive and motivated. i'm sure anyone who has ever left home to study or work will be able to understand what i mean, though i present it in a very confusing and rambly manner. this is not how i planned this blogpost to be, but i'll just be an organic writer tonight and let my ideas branch out and take shape as i go along, without too much pruning.

so, as always, i'm in two minds about going back to nz. but since i will be going back... i suppose i should motivate myself more so i can look at the bright side of things. yeah it's this new thing where i try to be as positive as i can in any circumstance. can't say it works all the time, but when i do try to be more positive, i find i become a happier kid.

well since you asked... haha... when i go back to chch i'm going to...

a) go for a crusaders game (it's rugby by the way)

b) serve on the Every Nation team again (miss being on band)

c) haven't really figured that one out yet..

the only things i'm not really looking forward to are the journey back, the unpacking (every year i accumulate more and more stuff. not good), uni enrolment, and... the homesickness. but those are just minor details, which i will get to when i cross that bridge. meanwhile... i'm going to make the most of my 2 weeks here, eat, spend time with friends and family, and be happy :) so if you're reading this, and you're in penang, and you know you'll miss me when i'm back there... ask me out!! ;D

Denise Ong!

if you want something, you have to make the effort to get it.

if you want things to change, you have to get off your bum and change them.

no more waiting around for people to help you. you have to do it yourself.

swallow your pride and just go do something about it!

count your blessings, name them one by one

no matter what you're going through, someone else somewhere on this earth is or has gone through something worse, or of equal pain.

i can't say that my life has been easy these past few months. friends are always a problem for me whenever i come back to penang... or rather, lack of friends. i know it's partially my fault for not putting myself out there more to socialise with people, so haha yeah there it is. it's also difficult to have good friends become hi and bye acquaintances, but the world keeps spinning and things change. so there. but thankfully, i have some friends who've stuck with me throughout the years, and who still make time and energy for me. thanks guys!

and my family, who has always been my comfort, and where i run to for rest when the world seems too cruel for the time being... well, let's just say we've been a bit shaky lately.

but all that seems like dandruff (dandruff?!?) when compared to another person's plight. don't want to get into stuff that's not my own. yes, my "problems" irritate and hurt me, but i feel a bit silly making a big fuss of them when i compare them to other people who have to for example, battle a terminal illness, or fight to have custody of a beloved child.

anyway, where is this (hopefully not self-pitying) post leading to?

i have a point, and it's this...that no matter what you're (I'm - I need to keep reminding myself too) going through, there is always something to be thankful for. and as the title, (which i got from a sermon i just listened to with my dad, which was quoted from... the bible?) says, count your blessings, and just so they become clear to you, name them one by one. i find that helps especially during trying times. cos it's easy to name your blessings during the good times, but when it comes to being in the desert, suddenly i don't even feel like being positive.

so why not start today?

today i'm blessed with good health.

and i got to go visit Paragon for the first time AND see Lim Guan Eng in person. what? i've never seen him live before.

:(

caught in between a rock and a hard place.

i want to be anywhere but here.

i miss playing for praise and worship :(

anyone like to jam with me?

2011

the end of the year is always a time of reflection on how the year has been, and also of hopes and wishes or expectations on the coming new year. last year i was working a lot in december, and

also on new year's eve so not much time for reflection there. so, since i'm somewhat free this

time around, why not? i mean, looking back is not something we should be doing too often

because it might make you yearn for something that's already past, which might hinder you from fully moving forward. which is something i have a tendency to do if i don't watch myself. but,

looking back also makes me realise how much i have to be thankful for... everything that h

as happened, the people that crossed my path and somehow or rather touched my life in

unexpected ways... just shows how blessed i am, and how loved i am by the Creator i call my God and Father.

anyway, to avoid being draggy and boring, this is a display of what's been happening Denise-wise in 2011... one picture in a month. hopefully it won't be too long-winded :S

January

meet ups and gathering with friends and family

February

Goodbye penang! back to christchurch with a bad case of homesickness lol.

also, the big earthquake which devastated chch.

which consequently allowed me to visit melbourne for the first time (blessing in disguise? i don't know)

March

Denise's birthday! getting old hmm...

Also, christchurch earthquake memorial

April

Easter! Hallelujah! Jesus is alive!

Easter picnic after church (enjoying the last of the good weather)

Also, uni graduation for some of my friends.

May

Exams nearing, so lifegroup girls start packing study packs for our peers.

June

Janice and Sonia in town!

Also, my flat's first party.

July

Snow snow snow! transforming the world as i know it into a winter wonderland.

August

occasional warm spells... the spring flowers are budding! i'm always happy when the flowers start coming out.

Also, having to say goodbye to a well-loved senior/ lifegroup leader/ & friend.

September

combined lifegroups day out.

also, spring is officially here! walking to uni under a canopy of cherry blossoms... priceless!

October

Rugby fever grips NZ. NZ wins world cup, we get to meet the All Blacks. enough said :D

November

Enjoying the greenery in the botanical gardens.

a lot of packing and clearing up the clutter of the year to be put away while i'm away for the summer. a lot of headache trying to settle accommodation for next year as well.

also, balik kampungku! Hello penang!

December

my baptism

also, first cruise trip in my life

and christmas :)

one sleepy blogpost

some things you think you don't want that you realise you want only too late. when it's already gone. or need. come to think of it, you can run after all the things in the world but it's the thing that you don't want that you need. and realise too late that, that ship has already sailed.

and the story is, i always end up doing things like that.

so i probably should've changed all the 'you's to 'i's. sigh

onward to an unrelated topic, i was listening to the mashup of 2011's popular songs that a friend posted on facebook (yes i'm ashamed to say i'm on fb waaay too much than is healthy these days), and boy what memories they brought back. it was as if i saw snippets of 2011 just flashing through my brain as i listened to the mashup.

adele's 'someone like you' - healing from a broken heart

katy perry's 'fireworks' - singing it after having jap food one fine sunday afternoon in chch

adam levine's 'moves like jagger' - one of the late night hangouts with my flatmates and jeremy in our flat. i think it was one of my hyper nights where i was crazy dancing to their eye-rolling.

i can't really remember the rest of the songs now, brain not functioning at full capacity at the moment... pretty sure there were more. songs sure have a way of bringing back memories. whether you like them or not... but whatever it is, and however this year went, i know it all happened for a reason. there were good bits and bad bits, and i'm glad the end of this year seems pretty plesant and laid-back so far. it's a good way to end the year. i wonder what song i'm going to end the year with.

haha this is so unrelated (or is it?), but i'm thinking no matter what i say, i'll still need a musician bf so he'll be able to understand and talk music with me. and make music together... won't that be romantic? ok, enough now. goodbye!

driving in penang

i'm proud to say, after driving only twice in 10 months, i've finally been driving in penang once again. small feat for many people, but big achievement for me! mainly because i'm kinda terrified of driving, and i have been so out of practice. i feel so independent haha!

traffic, and drivers are still as bad as i remember them to be. always a lesson in patience and anger management :)