day after day

feels like i haven't been doing ANYTHING these past few weeks. days seemingly blend into each other and i'm losing track of time. just when chch is starting to get back on her feet, japan falls... and i heard the news on my birthday :S


but had a great bday nevertheless. had cake, gifts, makans... the works. even after all that's happened, earthquakes and disasters, it was still a very happy birthday. so blessed!


brunch




dinner





and i suppose... if not for the earthquake, i wouldn't have had a chance to visit melbourne this soon. seeing melb was always in the plan, but just couldn't find the right opportunity to go. to be honest, my heart was in christchurch the whole time i was there. but i did enjoy being there as well. food was awesome! oh the variety... the richness... the price! the best part was not really having a definite itinerary. we just went where we wanted, stopped wherever we fancied, ate whatever caught our eyes. good stuff. here are some photos which are also on fb, but what the heck, i'll put them up here as well.




on the brown yarra river. it was a very hot day and i had to carry too many things and listen to incessant chattering. not my finest moment. but i like the picture tho. haha.




leaving melbourne museum. i loved it in there (yes i am nerdy and i like museums), but i think the other 2 must've been pretty bored. oops!

number 2

things become more real when you know people who are directly affected by it.


even though i was in the city that the earthquake happened in,
even though i was in class and felt all the shakes and rumblings
even though it was my second time experiencing one

in a way, i was not directly affected by it.
why?
let me tell you why.


even though i was in the city that the earthquake happened in,
my area was one of the least hit places. most of the buildings were relatively unharmed by the quake.

even though i was in class and felt all the shakes and rumblings,
those shakes and rumblings were not strong enough to bring down any buildings on campus. so we were able to all get out of our classes and assemble in an open area without being trapped like a lot of people in town. just imagine if the uni buildings started caving in and crashing. there would have been a lot more casualties then.

even though it was my second time experiencing one,
i was still able to go home and find my stuff intact with only minor annoyances such as no power and water. but all that came back on in just a few hours.


so you see... i experienced the quake, but praise God i was delivered from any major harm.

but when you hear about friends and people you know, and how they've lost houses and have to live like a refugee at the school hall, it suddenly becomes so real. you know? and it's just really really heartbreaking to see the death toll rising on the news and reports on missing people. and also the lovely old buildings ruined. i really grieve to think of it.


it's times like this when you really need to grow up; i feel so much older already.


well, i guess i'll be updating here more when there is anything else to update.
christchurch is like a man who's gotten a really really severe beating and is lying flat out on the ground right now. but she will rise back up again. i know she will.

bad case of homesickess

and i was expecting the coming back to be easier cos it wasn't my first time anymore. but nooooo, i had to get it worse than the last time. sigh.

roots. so hard to pull them out once they take hold.

halves and wholes

logically, 2 halves make a whole.

but what i've come to realise, during one of my many musey sessions (sometimes i think i should learn to think less)... that when it comes to relationships, 2 halves don't necessarily make a whole.


but why not?? what about the lock and key, two halfs of a heart connecting into one, bla bla...?

ahh i have no good way to start this, so i'll just dive right into it if that's ok. this is all purely based on my experience and observation. so, argument is all right. i suppose in order for me to make more sense and also because i'm struggling to find the proper words to say... (idling for 3 months is definitely not good for your brain, i'll use me as an example.

when i got into a relationship, i was hungering to love and to be love. maybe coming from a family which very rarely displays much outward affection also fueled my need for physical and verbal demonstrations of love. don't get me wrong, i've been brought up in an atmosphere of love, just that we don't say it. and i can be rather possessive of the people i love, and selfish of their time and attentions. so, yeah... basically i was really feeding of his love to satisfy whatever hunger i had in me.

and it can actually be very draining on both sides when one or both keeps feeding off each other like that. supply can actually run short, which is when problems will start appearing. like (for example) when i keep demanding for his attention when what he really needs is a little time away from me to become his own self. that kind of thing.

which brings me to why i started this "essay" in the first place...
that it is actually 2 wholes that make a good pair. when two people who are mature, confident, and satisfied with what they are and have, get together... i believe that's the making of a solid relationship. instead of feeding off each other, both would complement each other.

but yes i have to agree... it's not easy finding a whole. or being a whole for that matter. people are not programmed to be satisfied with their lot. there will always be things that seem brighter, shinier... people who are smarter, prettier... trust me, i know. i'm definitely not a whole yet. but am working on it. i'm going to try this thing where i'm going to stop comparing, and feeling unsatisfied with what i have, but instead focus on the completeness of God's love. i have so much to learn about loving people, and loving myself. and i believe everything starts and ends with God's love for us.


working on becoming a whole. and waiting for another whole ;)

i've been dreaming of christchurch

but feeling very reluctant to go back.
but still looking forward to meeting new people and accomplishing new stuff.
is life always like that?
the bad things are always good for you and vice versa... the polarities, the ironies
but i suppose that's what makes life interesting. no one wants things to be too easy, do they? haha


anyway, exactly 3 weeks to go before...

they'd better have good in-flight movies.


on a totally different yet somewhat related topic, it's good to be staying for cny this year. i still can't believe that it's next week. cny always seemed like this event in the distant future... well, at least it seemed that way up until a few days ago... am now gorging myself on all the cny goodies i've been blessed with. gotta make up for last year's lack you know.

and i'm liking how local festivities (christmas, cny) are being so comercialised here... haha, i know i know i sound like an american, but hey... it puts me in the mood what. it makes me feel festive and cheerful when i walk into a mall with heaps of cny decor (for example). yeah they might be tacky and cliche and the whole objective of it is to squeeze money out of unconscious shoppers... but still, you don't get that everywhere. like in chch, they keep everything really low-key. i even forgot christmas was nearing when i was there in november, until i came across this measly portion of christmas puddings and crackers at countdown (grocery store). don't get me wrong, i hate cny music as much as the next person... but if it helps build the mood... i suppose i could make some allowances.

first post of 2011

almost two months of being home
almost a fortnight of doing-nothingness...


and i have to say... boy am i getting lazy, and thinner.

yes people, in the land famed for having the best food (and it is NOT ipoh), i, denise ong have actually lost some nz-gained fat. the good part is that my face is no longer spherical-ish... but have resembled the old me somewhat. the bad part... hmm is there even a bad part to this?

but the food has been great! managed to cross off most of the items on my TO EAT list. and they're still as yum as ever.


i know i should be doing something productive like figuring out how to pay my uni fees, or get on with the malam msia poster that i was asked to do (mental note: need to ask for help with that)... but i can't seem to do anything other than simple menial tasks that require a very low level of brain activity. guess that explains my non-stop bejewelling. haha. holidays make people lazy and disorganised. or at least, it's turned me into a literal bum. i should seriously get my life in order and go do something productive.
see i've started blogging again so it's step one of the 'pull yourself out of your rut' therapy.

i need my camera back. i need inspiration back. i need to sit at the piano and have the songs come back to me.


2011 has begun beautifully. and i just have this wonderful feeling that this year will be a year where things will happen. good things hopefully. sometimes i'm filled with apprehension as i stare into the months to come, and what they will bring... but i know i'll never go through them alone. and that is my one comfort.


and somewhere deep inside me, i can feel a tiny bit of anticipation in going back to christchurch. new faces to meet, old ones to greet, happenings to plan, uni (ok maybe not so much joy when it comes to the drudgery of assignments and lectures again), flatting with mates...
to be honest, when i first came back to penang in november, i had a difficult time fitting back in. reverse culture shock bla bla bla... but now that i've spread some of my roots here... it feels so right again to be back. penang is so much more happening, and i love having my family around all the time. so, i think it's going to be a little bit of a struggle to uproot again come leaving time. but that's the beauty of it, i guess. i get to live both worlds, and you bet i'll do my best to enjoy myself wherever i am.


ok, late night need to ramble satiated. i think i'm ready to hit the sack now. goodnight!

i really suck at letting go

christmas is in 4 days...

and i'm still not feeling it.


maybe this christmas will be better than the rest! :)

it's time to move forward and stop looking back

on chivalry

maybe i'm being too picky, but really la, where have all the good men gone?

lol


gentlemen are quite endangered nowadays.

or maybe they just don't teach those kinda stuff to boys anymore. which is a pity cos, there're some really basic things which should be done but sadly are not. for example:

walking a girl home
come on guys, it's just basic courtesy to make sure your girl friends get home safely. and it makes you seem very 'knight in shining armour'.

when sending a girl home in a car, wait til she goes into the house before leaving.

holding the door
not just for girls but for anyone. i know girls nowadays are all about female empowerment and not needing a guy to help, but it's just nice to have someone hold the door for you :D


i'm sure there are some more stuff that a lot of men (note: i said men not boys) should do but don't. unfortunately, i don't have time now. so, i guess that'll have to wait.

when the oceans rise and thunders roar

i know everything will be ok eventually...

but right now i'm feeling awfully tired and broken.
really really not so great.


hmm... i need strength to go on. and it's so hard.

just feel like i don't belong anywhere anymore.
i thought work would be a distraction. but everytime when i go home, it's still the same.
seriously never thought coming back would be this difficult.
i really love penang, but wish some things would change.
but, maybe it's all for the best.
maybe God is teaching me something.


Jesus i REALLY need your strength for this.
it seems trivial but i can't seem to take it. hmm... feel so weak that i need people's approval and love. but it's the sad truth, i do need it.