that fear

fear is a very strong feeling.

fear paralyses you, hinders you from looking beyond the problem, and you become like a horse wearing blinkers (you know, those eye patch thingies). i used to wake up every morning and have that numbing gripping fear in me. mostly, the fear of going back home. oh i love my family, and i do look forward to seeing them, and being with them... but at the same time, i was really scared. scared of being lonely like last year, afraid of getting hurt again, apprehensive of what will happen when i get back.

but then

i realised that this stupid fear is really stopping me from looking at the amazing people and things i have back home. and i have so much to look forward to. by focusing on my fear, i was really missing out on a lot of God's blessing in my life. i kept magnifying all my worries til i guess i lost sight of what was really important: that God is in control of my life. not myself, not my friends, and definitely not my fears. i just can't let it dictate my emotions, or actions anymore.

i just... am really tired of being afraid.

early this year, we focused a lot on letting go and moving forward. and who knew? moving forward has basically been the recurrent theme of my life this year. even up til now. hoping i'll one day be able to claim all of God's promises for my life.

but for now, keep on keeping on... even if you feel tired sometimes, and the night seems too long. cos we never travel alone.