certain things

certain matters i can't seem to overcome today. i'm overwhelmed.

1. sometimes life just feels so burdaning. people you love are so far away. the few precious moments we get connected seems so short.

it's been 4 days since they left and it feels like eternity. i miss hearing their voices and the comforting thought that they're just a drive away from me. melbourne seems so so far away. i miss them it's starting to hurt.

2. i don't know what to think anymore. life is getting confusing.

he says he loves me. i knows he means it but why do i hesitate? we know how we feel but, there're just so many things to consider. i've always dreamed of someone like him, but do i love him? can i overlook our differences? too many questions but i can't answer anyone of them.

3. life is depressing. happy days don't seem to come.

i'm in the depths of moodiness. everything looks bleak and unpromising from my perspective now. and yes, i do admit that my post is terribly depressing today. it looks grey today.

4. i don't feel like laughing today.

my smile has apparently taken a holiday (it's probably in the south of france right now- vacationing). and all i feel like doing is curling up in my bed to shed tears and have a bout of self pity. looking back at all our happy shots, just brings back thoughts of what i've lost. what will never come back again.

5. people keep telling me what to do.

all i want is to be happy. with or without him. i know they mean well, but i'm going crazy with them telling me what i should do, what i should not do, how i should feel, how i should not feel... all i want is to be happy!!! to be free to be myself and to like who i want without people telling me what to do!!! i know that people are concerned but stop trying to influence me....

*sigh* i guess this is really going to sound so controversial. and to those who feel hurt, i really am sorry. it's just how i'm feeling about it. sometimes i feel like i'm being edged off a cliff. the more people pull me back, the more i feel like jumping off just to avoid them.

6. people who will judge me

it's true. no matter what i do, what choices i make, there will most definately be people who will be judging me; throwing rocks and stones at me. gossip travels and tongues are ever so eager to talk. i know because i'm kinda like that. but i try to limit myself. i try. and the hardest thing is that people you trust will probably judge you most.