self-explainatory

he finally told her he wanted to break up with her. he had found someone new. someone fresh, someone exciting. someone else to love. he looked into my eyes with passion when he said that and i knew he really meant it. he loved me. she listened and wept... her heart devastated, torn and shattered. i looked at both of them and i'm confused; how can such a beautiful thing become so wrong? he loved me and me, him. but it felt so wrong... my victory was someone else's defeat. i couldn't do it. i couldn't bear to see her so broken. i told him i just couldn't.

i woke up.

and damn! was it a scary dream. not only was i awake the whole night... i couldn't and still can't get it out of my mind. no, it's not happening in real life aight! it's a dream... only, a dream. but seriously, if i was me, in my nightmare... i guess i would do the same. i really felt like a child murderer at that time. being the so called "third party" is definately not how i envision my (nonexistent) love life to be. so God help me, please don't let me fall for an already taken guy.

speaking about my pathetic love life... man, it's really sad ler. i mean now, when i unofficially have a (quoting steff); passport to date... i'm feeling (to quote jimmy) as if bo lang ai. you know... i mean, i've never been on a date in my entire life! i've never had anyone look me in the eye and tell me that they love me and would do anything (within limits la) for me. never had anyone call me just because, never been kissed and never said "i love you" back. i've always been the friend, the mentor, the confidante, the crush, the girl.... but never the one. help me! am i undatetable? or maybe i'm too freakin choosy.

i know, i know... all in it's own time right? it's just that, i've waited for 17 (almost 18) years for him (though i don't know who he is yet) and... guess what? haha... an honest human emotion=> i'm getting just a lil' bit impatient. i just want to know how it feels like, to have someone special. to be 'just the two of us', to love and be loved.

and yet... even if he isn't mr right, he has got to be mr right now. ok, fine.. so what? i AM picky. it's not really about the looks but how we blend together... ya know? it's just gotta click!

anyway... i'm not going to go on about this *ahem* rather sensitive topic. i'm stronger than this... denise, you're stronger than this. well, this is so one of the 'denise bares her soul to the world' moments, so... yeah! that's pretty much what my soul says right now. blame the dream!

the lines between 2 seperate worlds are blurring. i don't know what i think anymore because what we have is something special... but i don't know how special. things are changing, i'm changing, but are you?