not being able to think up a title

hello dear people who still visit once in awhile.

would you like a report of how i'm doing?

well, let's see... i've got my lost luggage, just collected my visa (phew!), and now still looking out for jobs. so i'd say that i'm doing good. but besides those things, i'm keeping myself busy, or rather, seem to have lots of stuff to keep me occupied. which is great... cos i don't much like being idle and bored at home (haha says the girl who spent her entire summer hols not working at all). but in my defense, i didn't idle the whole time then...

also, i think i've gone a little more blur than usual... my flat has this policy of not playing music after 11pm, which kinda sucks for me cos i don't sleep that early AND i usually have my music player on, or watch movies at night (after doing assignments what). anyway, today i promptly put my headphones on at 10.55pm, and yeah played my music as per usual. then at midnight i realised that while i was wearing my headphones, they weren't plugged in! so i think i must've really pissed off my flatmates for over an hour, while i was happily listening through my speakers. i actually even remember gloatingly thinking to myself, "hah! i can play as loud as i want cos i have my headphones on", when a particularly noisy song came up . epic fail! haha.

on a not so silly note, here are some pictures of the new place i shifted to in chch. now they're not really good or complete pictures, but just so you get a slice of what i see :)

this is the view from my window. yes i get to spy on anyone who goes in and out of the place. muahaha. but they also get to see me through my window :/

this is my room. i know i didn't take this picture very flatteringly but lookie... i haz my own sink!




















and this here is my work table. yeah a tad messy, i haven't really figured out a way of arranging everything so it looks more aesthetically pleasing, but within reach.

and no picture post would be complete without a camwhore pic no?

the baggage trail

a guy from airasia contacted me today regarding my very tardy luggage. apparently it's still stuck at the LCCT but at least they've identified that it's mine. so after some rush scanning and emailing back and forth between us, i think i might just get Ol' Suitcase back on thurs.

please please please let us be reunited! i know a lost luggage might not seem like much to others, but i feel like it's a wedding and the maid of honour is missing. or something. well, i like to plan, and i'm quite ocd about having order and stability around me. so i haven't really been in the mood to settle down yet. gosh denise, stop being so rigid! but yeah, lately, i believe God has been teaching me so much about loosening my tight grip on wanting everything to go as i planned, and to trust that His timing is perfect. and also wow... that He'll bless me even more than whiny me deserves. His love never fails!

pray i have good news to report back on thursday! :D

again?

sitting in the middle of a half unpacked room.

nothing like the act of settling in to induce homesickness. who would have thought, after doing this for the 3rd time, i would have at least gotten the hang of it. knew what to expect and counter it. but the silly thing is that the simplest and most mundane tasks are sneakily turning up to remind me of home, and the people i left there: "why on earth would you want to leave, denise?".

at the risk of being sentimental, it's probably the jet lag and tiredness kicking in that is starting to make me compare here and home, and unfortunately, here is coming up short. as i've left a home for half a home. for now. wait til i get around to organising this place up to my liking.

mm so tired. i should go.

i miss home.

i don't like saying goodbye

never say goodbye because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting

-J.M. Barrie

when it comes to saying goodbye, it's almost always sad.

:(

like dad?

so i've heard people saying that girls tend to look for guys who resemble their fathers and vice versa (guys looking for girls who are like their moms). well, based on my experiences when it comes to guys, i find that to become more and more true. of course, this will vary according to each person's individual relationship with their parent, am i not right? but in my case, i feel that i naturally tend to gravitate towards guys who are patient, and goofy and chill, like my dad.

my dad has always been the only male in the family, even the dog is female! wonder how he feels about that haha.. so he's always had to be the strength in this family. but what i admire most, is the way he cares for us. dad is the one who goes out to buy food for us when we decide to eat in, carry bags and shopping stuff for us, make sure we don't get wet when it rains, and when mum was still working full time, he even went marketing for her.

of course, like any human he's not perfect.

but yeah, living with him has made me more aware of some of the qualities i want in a guy. and i guess, it's not too much to ask for is it? i don't care for someone who lavishes me with gifts but leaves me crying at night... just someone who is able to provide and who loves and cares for me :)

i think all the valentine's day hype is starting to have an effect on me. what is with this post? lol i have no idea, and no i'm not bitter about spending this 14th single. in fact, it's quite enjoy seeing what outrageous lengths some guys go to to make their gfs/wives happy. and listen to other people's love stories. so sweet. so yeah, i think this is going to be a good valentine's day for me compared to last year's. i'm surrounded by people i love who love me back, and the greatest love i will ever have. i think that's good enough for me :)

that time again

beautiful christchurch, beautiful penang

i'll be leaving penang in... give and take... about 2 weeks time.

while the feeling of doing nothing, sleeping in til noon, and having mum take care of basically everything, is soooooo luxurious and comfortable... i have to say, the busy bee side of me (wait..?! i have a busy bee side?) is raring to get out of this idleness and start doing something! and obviously, once i go back to christchurch, it's no holds barred back to work again. and having to take care of myself again :/

even so, it's not all work and no fun going back. for the moment at least (until i finally settle down somewhere), penang is my holiday place, my respite, my tropical paradise if you will. chch is where work happens, where my life is at the moment, where i feel most alive and motivated. i'm sure anyone who has ever left home to study or work will be able to understand what i mean, though i present it in a very confusing and rambly manner. this is not how i planned this blogpost to be, but i'll just be an organic writer tonight and let my ideas branch out and take shape as i go along, without too much pruning.

so, as always, i'm in two minds about going back to nz. but since i will be going back... i suppose i should motivate myself more so i can look at the bright side of things. yeah it's this new thing where i try to be as positive as i can in any circumstance. can't say it works all the time, but when i do try to be more positive, i find i become a happier kid.

well since you asked... haha... when i go back to chch i'm going to...

a) go for a crusaders game (it's rugby by the way)

b) serve on the Every Nation team again (miss being on band)

c) haven't really figured that one out yet..

the only things i'm not really looking forward to are the journey back, the unpacking (every year i accumulate more and more stuff. not good), uni enrolment, and... the homesickness. but those are just minor details, which i will get to when i cross that bridge. meanwhile... i'm going to make the most of my 2 weeks here, eat, spend time with friends and family, and be happy :) so if you're reading this, and you're in penang, and you know you'll miss me when i'm back there... ask me out!! ;D

Denise Ong!

if you want something, you have to make the effort to get it.

if you want things to change, you have to get off your bum and change them.

no more waiting around for people to help you. you have to do it yourself.

swallow your pride and just go do something about it!

count your blessings, name them one by one

no matter what you're going through, someone else somewhere on this earth is or has gone through something worse, or of equal pain.

i can't say that my life has been easy these past few months. friends are always a problem for me whenever i come back to penang... or rather, lack of friends. i know it's partially my fault for not putting myself out there more to socialise with people, so haha yeah there it is. it's also difficult to have good friends become hi and bye acquaintances, but the world keeps spinning and things change. so there. but thankfully, i have some friends who've stuck with me throughout the years, and who still make time and energy for me. thanks guys!

and my family, who has always been my comfort, and where i run to for rest when the world seems too cruel for the time being... well, let's just say we've been a bit shaky lately.

but all that seems like dandruff (dandruff?!?) when compared to another person's plight. don't want to get into stuff that's not my own. yes, my "problems" irritate and hurt me, but i feel a bit silly making a big fuss of them when i compare them to other people who have to for example, battle a terminal illness, or fight to have custody of a beloved child.

anyway, where is this (hopefully not self-pitying) post leading to?

i have a point, and it's this...that no matter what you're (I'm - I need to keep reminding myself too) going through, there is always something to be thankful for. and as the title, (which i got from a sermon i just listened to with my dad, which was quoted from... the bible?) says, count your blessings, and just so they become clear to you, name them one by one. i find that helps especially during trying times. cos it's easy to name your blessings during the good times, but when it comes to being in the desert, suddenly i don't even feel like being positive.

so why not start today?

today i'm blessed with good health.

and i got to go visit Paragon for the first time AND see Lim Guan Eng in person. what? i've never seen him live before.

:(

caught in between a rock and a hard place.

i want to be anywhere but here.

i miss playing for praise and worship :(

anyone like to jam with me?